Toshaakpa

The smoke from the oven made the house quite suffocating yet the heat from the fire was so warm that we can wait still. Our house, lighted by kerosene lamp seems much brighter than the brightest with the happy people all around. Our mother just sat beside the oven and chanted the mantra. As usual, all five of us waited passionately for our father to turn up with toshaakpa; literally it means left over food but for us it smells different and tastes different. Our father is kind and gentle. He is nicknamed shentongla by our mother. We were just playing, laughing and yelling at each other without any reason. It was a nice time then.

My brother Kuenga Phuntsho, a humourous and yet serious guy, was nicknamed Kangbula, my eldest sister Tshogay Dema, hardworking and active but does the work absent-mindedly, she is nicknamed Ngangpa, then youngest sister Dechen Peldon; nicknamed Banthangmo is slow-type yet does the things in much organized way. My little brother, the youngest of all is quite ill-tempered; once he nearly chopped me with the sickle. His nickname is Rulungkai. I am the second eldest of all. I am considered too rough then but did my work in best possible way. I was nicknamed Gagpalengkong.  We were six in total but my eldest brother; said to be handsome and intelligent couldn’t make it, he expired at an early age. My mother narrates that it was such a hard time to lose someone dear. 

We were born relatives but we played and talked like friends. We teased with nicknames, fought, cried and yet we were together enjoying life to the fullest. Though tiresome works during day bothered us, the popcorn that we enjoy together popped our life out of boredom. 

My mother would tell us that she is happy to have you all around but one day you all will leave. She will narrate how things were difficult then when she raised us. She also told how happy she was when she had her child-a baby boy but she said her happiness was short-lived; he died at an early age. She told that she is very lucky to have such a wonderful husband; under whom she suffered less compared to others. She also told us that, five of us should be friendly at all times to come and friendliness is the source of happiness.  As usual we talked a lot that evening too.

My mother is religious-minded like my father and her character is much similar to my eldest sister. My father use to call her Shingjarmay as her nickname.

In mean time, my father arrived. My youngest brother as we did will firstly take the bag of my father. We all will be sitted around our father as five disciples’ sitted around Buddha. Now our much awaited toshaakpa has arrived. Everybody will be with a plate and my father will just divide his toshaakpa starting from the youngest. My brother Kuenga and I will be very active then, while my father was dividing toshaakpa, we will hide the beefpaa and sweets. After the division is done, my father will search for the beefpaa to be divided but to his amazement, it will be lost. He would continue to search while my brother and I will do the eye-talk and smile to each other. My father would smell fishy then will instruct us to give back. We would give back but our sisters and brothers will continue to blame us. 

So such is the life when our father arrives. We use to talk and have our toshaakpa. After having the toshaakpa, handwashing had been a good habit which I have developed from a tender age. Our father will insist all of us to wash our hands even if we eat with the spoon. We wash our hands and apply locally produced ointment called Shingmar.

With kerosene lamp still on, we will be talking many things, my father will talk about the happenings during the ritual. We will be listening so passionately. As I have always dreamed, I would at times imagine myself performing ritual and having all those fried cheese and beefpaa. We also tell our father about what we did during the day. Then after that like any other optimistic human beings, we plan for the next day. We will then be off to bed with the thought of new trick to play with the next toshaakpa.